Violet (subterranean69) wrote in ethandarling,

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I wish I COULD float away on my own little river of pee....

I think I know why I'm feeling uneasy about meeting Noah. He's like an angel in the way that he's come to me when everything seemed to be falling apart in my life. But, at the same time, I can't decide whether or not letting him kiss me was a good idea. I feel like Jeff is always watching me, judging me, even though I know he's miles away and probably wouldn't be THAT upset if he knew I liked Noah.

Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore!

Every time Jeff calls, he turns my heart and mind to mush again. I didn't know if it was necessary to tell him about Noah or if he would be angry with me if he did know. The problem is, I can't define our relationship. And I think that the fact that he's gone is actually making things worse rather than my previous thought that time apart was better for our relationship. I do like the increase in calls he's made to me this week, though. it makes me feel loved.

So I'm glad to be back home, leaving Mal alone for the night with her own thoughts. I think we both need some time for that. anyway, as soon as I got in the house, my mom bombarded me with questions about Daphne before I could even get any comfort alcohol in me. I think maybe she was waiting for me to get back for the whole time I was gone. It wouldn't surprise me. Somehow I dodged her interrogation and ran straight up to my room. Now I'm watching Insomniac with Dave Attell. I love this show. it makes me laugh and I'm in dire need of some cheap laughs right about now.

Sigh, I need to get out of this rut with Jeff. He's not here and until he's back, I shouldn't be so worried about what he thinks of my life. I need someone who's available for a relationship. Someone like Noah.

I wonder if it's too late to call him tonight.
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