She paints the walls blue and green (glitterglamgirl) wrote in ethandarling,
She paints the walls blue and green
glitterglamgirl
ethandarling

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From zero to...two?

So, yes. Jeff showed up yesterday at Mal's house and I was very, very surprised. Very hungover, but still surprised.

Things are a little muddled in my mind about what happened, still, but I'll try to tell you all. He came in...he hugged me. And not to sound all melodramatic or whatever, but it was probably the most welcomed, most needed hug I ever got. He teased me for my hangover. He knows that I can't handle my alcohol well sometimes. Haha. But then he suddenly got very serious. Said he wanted to talk to me about something, which is the reason why he stopped by. We sat down on Mal's couch and I was very nervous...but I didn't really know why. I didn't know what was coming.

And I couldn't believe what happened. Jeff...apologized. And Jeff NEVER apologizes unless it's something big. He's so stubborn like that. He apologized for all the fighting and bickering over the weeks. Being out on the road always makes him a little sentimental for home, but having left after fighting with me really had an effect on him, he told me.

I was just kinda sitting there in shock...still a little surprised to even see him here...and then he told me he really did miss me when he was on the road. He missed hanging out with me and having someone he can really talk to. He asked if we could put all the crap behind us. I managed a nod and a "Yea, of course!" He seemed very, very relieved...then he told me he wanted to talk about something else.

Right then, my cell phone rang. I winced at the sound of the ringing...almost thought it was just the ringing in my ears kicking up and playing in a way that sounded like "California" by Phantom Planet. But then I realized...oh, cell phone. (Again I say, how I do love hangovers.)

It was Noah.

I suddenly felt very guilty, even though I didn't have any real reason to. I glanced over at Jeff, asked him if he could give me a minute...then walked into the kitchen before answering the phone. Noah asked me how I was and wanted to see if I wanted to do something today. I peeked my head out of the kitchen and looked at Jeff, sitting on the couch and looking almost uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do with myself. I told Noah I had a guest, but that I'd call him later and maybe we could do something. He said "Talk to you later, lovely," before he hung up the phone and those butterflies came back. Oh, butterflies.

I walked back out to the living room...Jeff instantly asked who was on the phone. I couldn't lie to him. So I didn't. He gave me this odd look..."Who's Noah?" he asked. So I told him...a guy I met at a party the other night. And that was all I told him. The odd look he was giving me changed to something else, but I wasn't sure what. Jeff got quiet...said "Oh. What did he call for?"

"Um," I began. "He wanted to know if I was doing anything today." I paused. "But I told him you were over."

Jeff asked me if he was my boyfriend. And I definitely heard a hint of jealousy in his voice this time. I felt my eyebrow raise...a habit of sorts that Jeff always teases me for. But this time, he just stared right at me and waited for an answer. And I told him. "I don't know...maybe."

The silence that followed only intensified the sour feeling in my stomach from the hangover. Jeff stood up and headed toward the door. "Don't let me keep you from your date or anything" he said over his shoulder. "I gotta get going anyway."

Jeff stepped out the door and left me standing there...very confused. I ran after him and got to his car right as he was pulling out of the driveway. I told him he didn't have to go. That I WANTED to hang out with him while he was in town. I asked him what he had to tell me. He shook his head...mumbled something that sounded like "It looks like it's too late for that." I wouldn't let him leave until he told me.

And he did tell me. He said that these past few weeks, especially the time being away from me, has really had him thinking about things. A lot of things, it seems. He told me that being away has made him realize how he misses the things that make him comfortable...like me. Me. He told me that, no matter what, he would care about me and love me regardless of anything. And with that, he pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the street.

And again I stood, in complete shock. The words were running through my head. "Put it all behind us...who's Noah...I gotta get going...comfortable...care about me...love me?"

And then it hit me. Maybe I wasn't just imagining things. Maybe there WAS jealousy. Maybe he does...love me?

I didn't know what to do. I stood on the lawn for five minutes, staring down the street. I walked aimlessly into the house. I sat on the couch and started at the wall. It was creepy, now that I think about it. My mind was racing. I'm still a little confused by it all now. Mal wasn't home. I needed to talk to someone...so I put on some clean clothes and went to tell Daph the whole story.

She told me something I think I already knew. I had to talk to Jeff before he left. I had to see if what I thought was true. And I had to make a decision...as much as it was going to hurt me one way or another.

I went from having no one romantically interested in me...to possibly 2 people romantically interested in me. It's a bit much for me to deal with. But I know I have to go see Jeff. I think I'll head over to his house now...*gulp*
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