angry like the sun (elliotismygod) wrote in ethandarling,
angry like the sun
elliotismygod
ethandarling

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your heart doesn't belong to me

Life is a quagmire of crap sometimes. I feel like one day I'm up, one day I'm down. There's no constancy, nothing fixed. I think I need a north star to guide me on this rocky sea. I could write down everything that I am feeling, but it would take years.

All I really need to say is that he left. He's on the road, yet again. So maybe Jeff loves me, but he's never around. I know that music is his reason for breathing. BoySingsBlue is touring in Texas, Utah, and Nevada. He's all over the place, and his fans get to see more of him than I do. I just can't compete. I really don't even want to try.

And when I do get to see him, it's so messed up. Full of jealousy, arguing, and then he just goes and says something completely wonderful... A part of me wants the love and friendship that a relationship with Jeff could offer. But I can't deal with his constant touring.

I am such a selfish jerk. How can I complain about Jeff? I know that I should care about what I want, but not at the risk of ruining something that could be really meaningful.

I talked to Noah on the phone last night. We really connected. At first I thought that it was just a physical attraction or something, but we really do have a lot in common.

There are so many things going on inside my head... but what it all comes down to is the fact that Noah is here and Jeff is not.
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